This is an updated post, but still relevant and needed
Do you know some toxic people?
Do you know how to deal with toxic people?
I think everyone has some of them in their life. Often they are family members or people we have to deal every day with and it is not easy to stay away from them.
They belittle us, steal our energy and make us feel bad about ourselves.
However, there are ways to deal with them.
What exactly is a toxic person?
If you’ve been in contact with a toxic person, it usually leaves you with a bad feeling in your stomach.
Often you can’t even say what it was.
But you instinctively know that the contact didn’t do you any good. You feel dirty, humiliated, exploited, or ripped off.
It feels as if you were exposed to a poisonous substance.
If you think about it more closely afterward, you can often see how the person tried to poison your emotional life.
However, there are ways to deal with them.
Here a few tips:
First, stay away from them, spent as less time as possible near them.
Usually, they try to get into your company and call all the time. Say no to them.
If they call, you do not talk to them, let the call go to your voice mail. Even if these people want to meet you often,
cut down on meetings. If possible, avoid them at all, restrict interaction with them.
Don’t take things personally. No offense.
This is the most demanding and most important tip. Because the more personal you take the matter, the more emotional you react. A toxic person often lives on your emotional reactions and are energy vampires that drink your emotional energy and leave you empty.
“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.” ― Christian Baloga
It is not uncommon for toxic people that they want to hurt your emotions.
Look to find out, why those people are toxic to you. You can do this by yourself and examine what feelings do they trigger and why?
Are you afraid to get like them or did anyone tell you they are like you think they are? Is it true? Maybe you can find a better way to interact with them if you know this why’s?
What is the root cause of you feeling bad with them? Think about your difference and not being like them before you meet. Outline for yourself, how much unlike them you are.
You can talk to the toxic person
You can talk to the toxic person and may see that they are not even aware that you find them toxic. This is why you need to talk to them, give them a chance.
But do not tell about your feeling or call them toxic, they may get upset with you.
Tell them what it is you do not like, maybe they will change this?
Set your boundaries
But draw clear boundaries, it is crucial to make clear announcements.
Talk to toxic people clearly. As far as possible, without evaluations, without emotion. Just the facts.
But do not let them attack you, do not start arguments with toxic people.
Toxic people are mostly not interested in understanding your point of view. So don’t try to convince them; they do not want to hear it and do not want to admit what you say to be truthful.
Then the person would have to question himself, and that is precisely what he or she does not want.
Therefore: Don’t try to convince toxic people. This is lost, frustrating love trouble. Set clear boundaries. That is all you can do.
Do not argue
Arguing is what they usually like to do, being in control, as soon as these people feel that they can’t control you, they do not like it.
Step back, take a deep breath, and think about positive and good things. If you do not react, they will stop.
Don’t try to understand the toxic person
This point is linked to the previous point: don’t try to convince the other person. When a person is toxic and destructive, we always feel confused. You can think about the reasons why someone behaves toxic. But that is of no use. Because the other does not change because of that.
”With some people, the only way to win is to refuse to play.”
Act instead of reacting
In a game of action/reaction, toxic people are usually much better.
Also, because they are not afraid of conflict, stress, and pressure. On the contrary, that’s the game they play.
Lean back. Breathe. Look at things from another perspective. Don’t just react and act wisely.
“Everybody has a hot button. Who is pushing yours? While you probably cannot control that person, you CAN control the way you react to them.” – Unknown
Find supporting and peaceful people, and talk with them, do pleasant things together, and move on.
This is the best way to forget these people. Go and make new friends and spend your time with them, and you do not have to deal with the toxic people in your life anymore.
To sum it up:
No offense, don’t take it personally
Protect yourself emotionally
Set clear limits.
Stay with your goals.
Don’t feel guilty and try to understand toxic people.
Don’t try to convince toxic people.
Act instead of reacting.
Summarizing the whole in one sentence:
Stay with yourself and your goals, take as little as possible personally, and act wisely.
But the tips may make dealing with toxic people a bit more bearable.
“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow.” —DLQ
We all sometimes have to deal with toxic people, they are everywhere.
Dissociate from them, and you will feel good and have a happier life.
Here good books