How to get rid of resentments and forgive?
“I will never forgive you!” Maybe you have never said these words, but when someone seriously harmed or offended you, it came to your mind. You feel how much it hurts to hold on. It is a little self-compassion to feel this way, but it is not in your interest.
If you are refusing to forgive, it poisons not only the relationship permanently but also yourself. By forgiving other people, you give yourself inner peace.
What is forgiveness?
To forgive means first to let go of your resentment. Forgiveness does not mean that we suppress and forget what has happened in the past or approve it. Moreover, forgiveness is about us, not about the other. Forgiveness also does not mean that we smile and forget it overnight; it takes time and is not a one-time event. Forgiveness says yes to our feelings and that nothing like this should happen again.
“You practice forgiveness for two reasons: to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.”
Forgive and forget?
It may be difficult because what your brain stores is not entirely under your control. However, if you make peace with your bitter past, your memories will be less painful.
Sometimes you may feel obliged to your suffering, and believe that you should be loyal to it. You focus on what happened and make it the center of your life. Be more committed to your salvation; why should you let your inner peace go away forever?
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” -Buddha
Forgive and release resentment.
Start the conversation with the person who has offended you. If this is not possible, at least you can forgive and release resentment in your imagination.
Change your channel. If you find the resentment channel in your mind is running too often, change your program to channels of gratitude, beauty, love, and forgiveness. Think of the faces of happy people, let the music play in your mind. Practice switching if the resentment channel is on.
Say goodbye to your victim story
If you do not forgive permanently you remain in a victim role. Find out what good intentions you had when you got into the situation. It gives you more sovereignty over your life, and you can also let go of the resentment.
In all major religions, the power of forgiveness is considered a cure on the spiritual path. There are special meditation exercises for forgiveness as well as techniques for the careful handling of painful feelings. Forgiveness is a skill that we can learn.
The benefits of the forgiving heart
Life would be more pleasant again. You could breathe freely, look forward, look for your happiness in the here and now.
Forgiveness is an all-encompassing work. It is not only a matter of the mind but also of the soul and body. Also, it happens in your feelings and thoughts, as well as in your relationships with other people. It brings you closer to your true nature. Your ability to be free and loving and happy, no matter what happens to you.
Forgiveness widens your perspective.
It makes you aware that it is about more than you and your past. You realize that others are suffering, and are hurt as well. It is part of being human, of being alive. You may be able to take your drama less personally and gain distance.
“Forgiveness is holiness, by forgiveness the universe is held together. Also, Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind”.- Yogananda
When you forgive, you are in spiritual consciousness. – Paramahansa Yogananda
Forgiveness is a sign of inner strength.
Whether family, friends, neighborhood, or colleagues, wherever people form a community, injuries happen. Not being resentful is essential for living together. Forgive mistakes!
Make peace with your own shadow. If you have made a mistake, do not blame yourself, but pay attention to how you can avoid it in the future. But also accept that you cannot quickly reshape your character.
If you forgive others for a mistake, they may be willing to admit their mistakes to you as well and increases tolerance in your relationships. Hurtful disputes may no longer occur quickly, you disarm.
But what about to forgive yourself?
It is incredibly healthy for you if you can forgive other people. Resentment makes your life miserable. But it is even better for your wellbeing if you learn to forgive yourself.
If you hold on to anger, hurt feelings, or old injuries, choose to suffer, it can make you sick. If you let forgiveness grow in your heart, you can experience your real, loving being. Forgiveness is a mighty, healing power.
See also >Forgiveness – The Key To Happiness?
There are negative slogans around about mistakes and failure which influence peoples thinking. Most people make mistakes during their life. Mistakes are fundamental experiences in our lifelong learning process. We wish to have acted differently in certain situations and believe that we would do it better or at least differently with a new opportunity.
Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee
We can overcome these mistakes, learn from them, gain experience, and grow.
Forgiving yourself is one of the best gifts in life! You achieve peace and emotional balance.
What about feeling guilty?
Guilt is a fundamental learning mechanism. It guides our awareness to show us whether our motivation and behavior are correct.
Feeling guilty means that we are aware of having made a mistake. This feeling helps us to fix it, to apologize, or to behave in a different way to resolve the discomfort.
The problem is that we can still feel guilty for past actions or decisions. These feelings of guilt are very excruciating and come into play again and again. In this case, guilt prevents us from living the present contentedly and holds us back.
What does forgive yourself mean?
Forgiving yourself does not mean justifying wrong behavior or having no regret. If you forgive yourself, you recognize negative emotions and choose to let them go in the present.
Forgiveness is a progressive process that may not happen overnight. Some people need long years to heal their wounds completely, and others find it more manageable.
Forgiving yourself requires that you change your perception of the lived situation. You have to allow yourself to look forward, overcome, and let go of the past. Live in the present in peace with yourself, and open the door to the future.
Forgiving yourself also means breaking resistance to change, because very often it is easier for us to feel guilty than to dare to leave self-criticism behind.
The process of forgiveness
To be able to forgive yourself, it is necessary to be honest with yourself. If you did something wrong, you shouldn’t be lying to yourself.
All actions have consequences, but you should be brave and take responsibility. If you face the results, you can forgive yourself better.
Analyze the feelings that have caused your behavior. To know why you acted in this way will help you in the future not to repeat the same mistake.
Don’t judge yourself, and if you accept that you are not perfect, it will be easier for you to forgive yourself. Accept what happened because this is the basis for healing.
Self-criticism must now give way to compassion for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. You are accepting yourself entirely, with all your gifts and advantages, but also with all your mistakes and errors. This final phase of forgiveness is fundamental for you to learn to love yourself and healthily forgive yourself.
Things that can help you to forgive
Talk about your mistakes with a friend who gives you emotional security and accepts you. It can help you get rid of your guilt on the path of forgiveness.
It is also a fantastic idea to write down all those words in a letter that you would like to say to the person concerned. Depending on the situation, you decide whether you want to send this letter to the affected person or only use it to heal yourself.
Meditation is a very efficient tool to achieve forgiveness. You can relax and have a conversation with your inner child. Give him security and unconditional love.
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Forgiving yourself is a step-by-step process. On the path of forgiveness, we have to leave the pain behind and open ourselves to the present and the future without suffering.
We have to learn and to accept. We act according to our level of consciousness in every phase of life. Therefore, if we made mistakes in the past, it was because we didn’t know how to do it differently.
We become aware that we are no longer in the same phase of life. The mistake has helped us to grow as a person.
Therefore, forgive others and yourself, let go of the past, find peace, and look forward!
Are you ready to forgive and release resentment? Do you have experienced the benefit of forgiveness?
Please tell us about your experience in a comment.